As a regular visitor to the internet, you will almost certainly be familiar with the strange animal found on planet Earth known as a “cat.” Some misguided people attempt to keep them as “pets” but are unaware that it is really they who have been chosen as a mobile butler service charged with such dismaying duties as “stroking,” “playing” and making sure to choose just the right collar to make their cat the most dapper feline on the block.

In order not to fail in your duties as a true appreciator of these supreme beings, it’s recommended that you purchase small effigies crafted in their appearance (which will arrive in cosy cardboard boxes which must be offered up as a sacrifice to ensure the good will of your friendly neighbourhood kitties) in the hope of appeasing our fearsome feline overlords.