NINJA SLAYER

Along with the driver’s hellish declaration, the family crest taxi accelerates to light speed. This black cannonball headed for hell morphs into a coffinesque hearse. Racing over 200 kilometers per hour, the hearse slashes through the city. And what’s directly ahead is the Okame Arms building. Namusan…Buddha!
Incidentally, the Soukai Syndicate purchased this building in a property flip scam buying and selling the real estate back and forth over and over to drive up land prices. In reality, the building is uninhabited.

“What? What are you doing?” Arson is flustered. Ninja or not, this situation was not foreseen.
“Zakkenna-Korah!” The yakuza clone in the front passenger seat shoves the chaka-pistol that he’s packing at the driver.
“Yeeart!”
“Aaaargh!”
With one hand, the driver severs the yakuza clone’s wrist in a flash.

“You’re roadkill now!” The driver bluntly speaks as the yakuza clone tumbles out the open door of the speeding taxi. He cleverly falls safely on the asphalt and lands on his knees unharmed.
The stampeding family taxi heads on a suicide bombing of the Omega Arms building.
Witnessing the whole thing, a drunken salaryman shrieks, “Aieee!” He then runs away.

KABOOM! The taxi smashes through the front entrance of the building. Unable to endure this massive collision impact, the building collapses. Maybe this structure was jerry-built like all yakuza constructed buildings?
All five men left in the car are DOD…Nay!
Right before impact, the men tumbled to safety.
“Yeeart!” Arson does a cartwheel and then a backflip as he lands safely. Then the four yakuza clones follow suit doing the exact same moves. They all stand up at once.

“Who sent you, assassin?” Arson rushes forward. BOOM!
With everything behind his back bursting into flames, the yakuza clones already stand with their assault rifles and chaka-pistols in their hands.
“Zakkenna-Korah!” A barrage of gunfire erupts at once.
The driver rises to his full height. Amid the storm of whistling bullets, the driver’s hat gets shot to smithereens.

What emerges from the tattered uniform is…a dark red ninja in full costume!
GOURANGA! A ninja! Suited up and suitably unharmed as well.
“Ninja?” Arson frowns.
Arson peels off his gray suit. In an instant, he transforms into a dark orange ninja costume. The two ninja face off.

“Domo. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I’m Ninja Slayer.” He beats Arson to the punch clasping his hands together and bowing.
“Ninja Slayer, you claim? How dare you utter those words?” Arson’s eyes grow wide. Then he bows back. “Domo, Ninja Slayer-san. I’m Arson.”

A seething thirst for blood swells between them. Of course, once the pleasantries of proper greetings are swiftly dealt with, a cruel, bloody battle to the death will soon follow. However, this exchange of aisatu cannot be neglected. It’s simply plain, proper ninja etiquette. Thus it is written in the Record of Ancient Matters.
The yakuza clones already have Ninja Slayer in their sights ready to fire, but Arson won’t allow it.

“I never believed…you existed. A born loser like you and your trumped-up story about dead to rights means.” Arson chortled.
Assuming a jujitsu stance, Ninja Slayer cautioned. “Rest at ease. There’s no need to consider how your end justifies my means. I’ll break your karate and send you off to jigoku-hell.”

Neon light shines from the two Japanese characters: nin (covert) and satsu (slayer). And in a fear-instilling-font!
“Ninja shall perish.” In a voice that sounded like the Grim Reaper himself, Ninja Slayer handed down a death sentence.
“Don’t whine!” Arson challenged.
“Yeeart!” While zigzagging, he raised his fists and unleashes a dash straight.

Arson’s very name hinted to the fact that his forte is a sect of Katon-jitsu or inferno style technique. This inhumane assassination technique involves mastering pyrokinesis to burn your opponent to death via the supernatural phenomenon of spontaneous combustion. Arson had complete confidence in his ability.
“Ninja Slayer? What a ridiculous name! Exterminating a vermin pest like you should help out your next home appraisal.”
Arson thrusts out his fists.
“Yeeart!” Such speed! A lightening fist of fury! But Ninja Slayer’s form is nowhere to be found!
“What?” Arson gasped.
Ninja Slayer flips over into a back bridge evasion move. What ninja agility. This faint was just the beginning. Ninja Slayer’s legs blur from spinning so fast.

“Yeeart!”
“Aaaargh!” While performing a headstand, Ninja Slayer twists both his legs like a helicopter and diagonally kicks Arson in the jaw. He spins around like a drill boring a hole sending Arson flying.
“Zakkenna-Korah! Motherfucker!” Without a moment's delay, four yakuza clones open fire on Ninja Slayer!

“Yeeart!”
“Aaaargh!” In that instant, for some reason one of the yakuza clones takes a shot to the head and dies.
Namusan…Buddha. Ninja Slayers whirlwind spinning kick deflected the bullets into the nearby head of one of them.
“Aaaargh!” Another one keels over dead. At first glance, it would appear that a ninja throwing star aka shuriken is sticking out of his cranium.
But in a strict sense, what was thrown was not a shuriken but a suriken, a demi-shuriken conjured by a greater ninja’s karate, blood and heavy metal particles floating in the atmosphere.
While seemingly occupied with kicking, Ninja Slayer was able to conjure and throw this demi-shuriken.
“Zakkenna-Korah!”
“Yeeart!”
“Ooooff!?” Just as the yakuza clone went to change the ammo cartridge on his rifle, his neck suddenly arched at an unnatural angle and he fell over dead. In that instant, Ninja Slayer who had slide under his torso, chops his spine in two.
The last standing yakuza clones screams, “I’ll kill you!”
“Yeeart!”
“Ooooff!?” Before the final yakuza clone could do anything, an elbow blow smashed his right cheek to bits. One more yakuza clone was now dead.

“No. No way!” Arson groans getting to his feet. “Who are you? What are you after?”
Ninja Slayer briskly walks closer. “Soukai ninja like you don’t deserve to live!”
Arson retorts, “Rescue is on the way here! Do you think they’ll allow this? You terrorist, you’ll be the one to die!”
“Ninja shall perish!”

“Yeeart!”
Arson is wounded but keeps punching in desperation. Ninja Slayer parries his attack barely moving his left hand. Arson misses. His katon-jitsu is useless.
“Yeeart!”
“Aaaargh!” Arson’s body breaks and trembles. “Aaaargh! Ooooff!?”

From Arson’s slouched back – Namu-Amida-Butsu…Oh my Buddha – Ninja Slayer’s arm is sticking out. A thrusting hellish chop pokes daylight into Arson’s torso.
“It’s true. Aaargh.” Blood overflows from the breathing holes in Arson’s ninja mask. “Rescue is heading to this location.”

“You really know how to make a ninja’s day.” Ninja Slayer remarked.
“Even if you avoid them,” Arson went on, “stronger ninja warriors and Darkninja surely won’t permit your existence.”
“I won’t let you exist either.” Ninja Slayer uncorked his arm from inside Arson’s back. “Yeeart!”
“Ooooff!?”

At Ninja Slayer’s feet lay the bodies of five enemies who already died cruel deaths. Ninja Slayer merely peers down with expressionless eyes, as if to say he’s seen this kind of dying too many times before. The battle concluded like wildfire.
Behold! There was no dishonesty in Arson’s words.

The whirring sound of an aircraft propulsion system drew near and suddenly the sky grew bright. Ninja Slayer glanced up to reveal decadent neon signs in an entertainment district. Beyond the violent, vivid colored signs that read: おなしやす (Onashiyasu),カボス (Kobosu), 良く犬 (Yoku Inu), and コケシマート(Kokeshi Maat), a blimp traversed the skies above. Ninja Slayer glared at the airship’s steel underbelly.

“Cheap, cheap, actually cheap. We’re practically giving it away. This blimp is for advertising purposes; nothing “fishy” about it.” While sprinkling the area with words of deception, the advertising airship Maguro Zeppelin projected its searchlight seeking out its target. A second later, the ninja leapt high and while kicking a neon sign he scurried up to the roof of a building and kept on truckin’.

The airship cut through the night sky making an unsettling sound. Laser beams fill in the gaps as Ninja Slayer runs at full speed.
BOOM! As the airship bombards Ninja Slayer detonation blasts reverberate. Counter-ninja fire rains down. Ninja Slayer performs another back bridge evasion move. The spot on the roof where he was standing a mere second ago explodes into pieces.

Namusan! Buddha! If the truth must be known, the Soukai Syndicate has dispatched this counter-ninja airship. Their enemy flight control command center located at their headquarters in the Tokorozawa Pillar quickly responded to Arson’s IRC distress call. The weapon system camouflaged as this Maguro Zeppelin cruises the skies above.
Behold! The tuna exterior deploys and transforms into battle mode.

“This blimp is for advertising purposes; nothing “fishy” about it. Our demon-stration focuses on reliability and doubles advertising effectiveness.”
The deceitful maiko apprentice geisha announcer’s voice blares out from the speakers.
And appearing below the tuna exterior is…GOURANGA! The airship morphs into a ferocious demon gargoyle. How scary!
The treachery on the speakers continues, “Double ad results with explosions!”